Vegas, Baby!


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When I heard that my good friend Leon was getting married and having a Bachelor Party in Vegas, I knew I had to be there for it. For those who know him, you know that he's a super great guy, fun to party with, and has an amazing ability to take credit for all the cool things I do. I know some of you attended "SpatCon III" in LA a few weeks ago, which was, of course actually "LeonCon I".

They told me that the plan for Saturday night was to head out to dinner, and then to a night club. Not a strip club mind you, a night club. I was shocked. I assumed that any Leon Bachelor party would have certain special key words in it:

Stripper, Naked, Ball Gag, Open Bar, Naked, Chicks, Guns, Firetrucks, Hookers, Drugs, Booze, Naked, Branding Iron, Tattoo, Candle Wax, Nipples, Sex, Rock N Roll, Chips, Dip, Chains, Whips, Naked, Dungeon, Breasts, Tijuana, Naughty, Beer, Donkey Show, Naked, Shameful, Spanking, Boobs, Ping Pong Balls, Swallow, Liquor, Naked, Wicked, Stag, Tits, Porn, Cigars, Naked, Naked.

Leon figures we hit 33 out of the 44. Not bad for a weekend that didn't take place in Mexico.

I asked around amongst my friends, and the only one with the free time to come to Vegas was Rich, so within a few days we had a hotel, airfare, and a desire to be crazy in Sin City. He was a little worried, since he had just adopted a new kitten, and didn't want to leave it home alone, but he found a sitter, and we ready to go!

This weekend long Bachelor party was a lot of fun, but it seemed like Leon over did it before we even got there. So he spent most of the weekend sleeping off an alcoholic coma. So, since he wasn't there for the whole thing, and I love my revenge, I hereby dub this weekend - "Spat's Bachelor Party on Leon's Dime!!"

We were supposed to land at about Midnight on Friday, but due to massive delays, we didn't arrive until like 3:30 am. We called around to see if anyone was still awake, but finally ended up calling it a night and resting up for our first full day of debauchery.

Here's me and Rich on our first full day in Vegas. Look how sober and devoid of alcohol we are. How sad, how sad.

The view from our hotel room window. Gotta love the Tropicana!

The view from the elevator.

On the way out of the hotel, I saw a slot machine. Yes, that's right, there are slot machines RIGHT THERE IN THE HOTEL!! Shocking. I put in a dollar, and hit the "Bet 3" button, and BAM! Won $37! This gambling thing is easy. I don't know why people are always bad mouthing it. I cashed out, walked up to another machine, put in a dollar, hit the "Bet 3" button, and BAM! Won $26! In the Casino for like 5 minutes and I was already up over $60!! In the same amount of time, Rich was somehow down $1,850. Some people just don't know how to gamble!

Celebrating my arrival in Las Vegas, the City Council had a sky-writer give a little "I Love Spat" in the heavens above the Strip. Sadly, he wrote very slowly, and it's too damn hot to just stand there all day waiting for him to finish.

This is so funny. I was in Paris last year, and they have a building that looks just like this one! Once again, the rest of the world gets jealous, and tries to copy America. The French one was a little bigger, though.

And that's the last Touristy pic I took all weekend.

On the streets we bumped into Jay (Heart of an Empire), Craig, and Richard (Admiral Motti).

Here's Richard making me want to burst into flames. How the hell is wearing a black shirt and black jacket in the vegas heat?

Rich somehow convinced me to get a giant Mango drink on the strip. Does this drink make me look gay?

After wandering for a while on the Strip, we did find a Star Wars Slot Machine. So we all had to play it! Sadly, we couldn't take pics. :(

When we had our fill of gambling (I lost $40 on craps, so I'm still up by $23, and Rich was now down $27,432.

So we headed over to the Hard Rock Hotel to meet up with the rest of the Bachelor Party team who was basking in a Cabana by the pool.

LEON!! The man of the hour himself! Came all the way from England just to sit in the shade and drink, when ironically, all England really has is shade and drinks.

Rich and Richard. What a pair of Dicks. I've always wanted to use that joke!!

Look, it's me! Woo Hooo!

Richard in the Cabana checking the menu. Why is there a TV in the Cabana? Who is really sitting by the pool watching TV?

Ivar, who looks like he's 12.

Rich, wearing his Lawyer T-Shirt.

Richard looking for something to "Order In".

I have to say, since it was my first time in Vegas, maybe I was a bit Naive, but even having heard the stories about Prostitutes running around all over the place, I had no idea how blatant of obvious it was. Damn!

Tom! Another Brit, but this one, not afraid to be in the sun for a few minutes.

Leon, surveying his Empire.

I'm pretty sure they're all sitting there watching TV.

While I, of course, am watching our Hostess.

More Brits, avoiding direct sunlight. I'm starting to think everyone in England is a Vampire.

Dan, one of the few Americans in the group.

I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.

I think that sums it up.

Leon checking the menu.

Rich texting his kitten.

The "Hooker Menu" as we liked to call it, fascinated everyone who looked at it.


"No, baby, I swear! No, there are no women allowed in Las Vegas, it's all men. Trust me! And, alcohol is forbidden. Yeah, it's like Utah, but with monogamy. Would I lie to you?"

Richard blocking a shot of something.

I've obviously offended him, but I have no idea why or how.

Nap time. Sadly, there is no sleeping allowed at the Hard Rock pool. Something about "you spend less money when asleep, than when awake". I don't know. Within about two and a half minutes, someone from the staff woke him up and made him buy a drink. That's the punishment.

Leon, also texting Rich's kitten.

Richard looking very amused. Or maybe gassy. As Simon watches in contempt.

Something good was going on over there, and I obviously missed it.

My Big Kahuna drink!

Nick acting like a New Yorker.

If that's not the textbook face for "ENVY", I don't know what is. If he were coveting that phone any more, it would be in his mouth.


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