Farpoint 03
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2/14/03, 2/15/03, 2/16/03... uh... 2/17/03... AND... 2/18/03...
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And now we continue our adventures of... FARPOINT! THE CON THAT WOULDN'T END!
Well, this is what we woke up to. Snow. And more snow. And some snow over there. Three feet of snow in total. Roads were closed. Whole towns were closed. Soon it was declared a Snow Emergency, The Storm of the Century! And what not.
So I was trapped. Like a rat. In a giant building full of food, women, alcohol and clean towels.
Wait a minute.... I'M not trapped in here with these people.... THEY'RE trapped in here with me! Muhahahahahahaha!! Now's my chance to try out my new plan! The "Fuck the Bad Reputation, Let's See How Naughty I Can Be In One Weekend WIthout Getting Arrested" plan. Of course, since all the roads were closed I felt pretty safe from arrest!
The whole crew at breakfast! Rich, Cherie, Jen, Zippy, Natasha, and me!
With the Con coming to an early end, and everyone trapped in a hotel with me, things got scary. While hanging out with Ken, Eugenia and Tristan at the bar, we came up with a new slogan, "Come to Farpoint... Stay to Shore Leave!" See, I told you that little history lesson on page one would pay off...
I wandered around for a while telling women that I was scared that the building was going to collapse and that I didn't want to die a virgin. Sadly, no takers.
One of the Dealers at the Con was printing up his own t-shirts, and came out with some great late-day Farpoint shirts that had the word "Farpoint" crossed out, and "Snow Con" written in.
Rich an Zippy trying to contain their excitement at being in the same room with me.
Jen and Natasha still ignoring me.
"Is it still snowing?"
By nightfall things were getting bad. We were all scared. Since it was Sunday, and all the churches were closed, we decided to hold our own ceremonies...
I drew the short straw and had to be the Virgin Sacrifice for the night. Of course, no one in their right mind would ever think me a Virgin, so we ate Rich.
Then I met this chick! Fariqua Shaniqua Domiqua Jones.
Dawn and Jo still amused by my antics... It's still early...
Spat attempts the "Double Boob Grab"! Denied!! That's gotta hurt!
Things started looking desperate. There was plenty of food left, but no one wanted to pay $9 for a Cheeseburger. So we found our own sources of sustenance..
"Mmm... you taste like Raspberries..."
Poor Phariqua. Her selfless sacrifice kept me sated for about twenty five whole minutes...
Awww.
The next morning we looked out the window to see if the snow had melted away, and instead found this guy literally BATHING himself in the snow. Talk about shrinkage!
"I'm on the fucking phone!"
Fariquaph had mentioned that Victoria's Secret doesn't actually go up to her size in bras... With that kind of information on the table I just had to see them! So here she is doing her Hockey Goalie impersonation!
"No score!" "Denied!" "Penalty Shot!" "It's no good!"
I was hoping to use the Hockey lingo to mention something about being sent to the "Box" and turning that into some sort of sexual double entendre, but it's kinda late, so make up your own amongst yourselves. Hurry now...
"Nope, she's still got a heart beat. We'll have to eat the next one!"
"I Heart Spat". How cute.
And of course, the famous "Property of Spat". Ink poisining still exists, right?
She may look like she's being nice to me, but she's just tenderizing me.
A group had gotten together and decided to have a party in the bar Monday night. They named it the "Donner Party". I happened to be in the bar at about the time this was supposed to start, but it didn't seem like anyone had arrived. When someone actually did come in and ask me what happened to the Donner Party, I just couldn't help myself. The reply just flew out of my mouth before I could stop it.
"I ate them."
This is the little drawing Pharphiquaph made for me showing me exaclty where I was allowed to look, touch or take pictures on her body. I also invented a new word that night and we were debating over the proper spelling of it...
Fellatiotic
(fa-lay-she-ot-ik)
verb (t)
To enjoy or appreciate fellatio.
noun (u)
One who has a natural, or unnatural obsession with discussing being fellated.
See also; Cunnilingative
Since we had to stay over for one more night, Jen and Natasha decided that they didn't want to be trapped in the room with me alone again. They tried to auction the room off with me in it, but alas, there were no takers. So we all teamed up into Zippy and Rich's room. Of course, somehow I got the floor in the sleeping bag (which smelled like sex for some sexy reason), while they all slept Co-Ed style in the 2 beds (can you guess who was in who's bed? I bet you can...).
The next morning the roads had been plowed, the streets were open once more, and we were free to leave!! Yippie! But while we were packing we decided to watch some TV.
"If I press on the name of the show I want to watch in this paper thingie, will the show magically appear on the TV?"
"Yes Zippy. Yes it will."
Zippy spent the next few minutes pressing on the words "The Waltons" before Rich stole the Magic Book away from him!
"You have to get your finger warm first!"
After about thirty seconds of him pressing on the words "Josie and the Pussycats" Natasha stole the Magic Book away!
"It's mine now. And we will be watching...'Baywatch!' You got a problem with that?"
Jen, still not amused.
Come back? Maryland didn't seem to want to let us leave!
At about this time I noticed Jen and Natasha were following behind me on the Highway. After three attempts to ram me off the road, I finally had no choice. We pulled over into a Waffle House, I gave them back the Magic Book, and admitted to having slight Fellatiotic feelings towards both of them.
The End. Finally.
Oh wait! Also, on the way home a bird flew in front of my car and I heard a thump. Just thought you would all want to know that.
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If you have any questions, E-Mail me. Spat@spat-nospam-cave.com
