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Review – Your Highness

Posted by Spat on April 5, 2011 in Movies, Rant, Reviews |

When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I assumed it would ultimately degrade into a 2 hour long, non-stop ramble of dick and fart jokes with a deep underscore of “Legalize It!”

Well, I saw a preview screening tonight and I can honestly say….

I was right.

I can sum this movie up in two words.

Horrible.

I know it’s one word, just say it really loud. Twice.

From the opening narration, which starts off in a very “Fairy Tale” Olde English style, but then quickly degenerates into modern language, modern idioms and, of course, cursing.

Don’t get me wrong, I like cursing as much as the next guy. Fuck! See? But I like my period piece movies to at least use language that was appropriate for the time period and universe it’s based in.

Every time they called someone a “mother fucker”, I was taken out of the universe. Every time someone was called a “cock sucker”, I cringed a little. And every mention of “butt fucking” just makes you want to get up and leave. And this goes on for the whole movie.

Sadly, the movie had potential. Great cast, but stuck spouting crappy dialogue. Awesome locations and sets, but a story that is so flimsy, you’re rarely ever surprised by what’s about to happen. Except maybe for the Minotaur rape scene. That was unexpected.

James Franco looks completely baked throughout the movie and I swear he’s having trouble talking. It’s like he’s wearing fake teeth that he’s still getting used to, but no. It’s just his teeth. And him slurring a lot.

Danny McBride (who I think is hilarious in literally everything else he’s ever been in) is the best and worst thing about this movie, virtually at the same time. He keeps going back and forth between fantasy humor and modern humor. Sometimes making sense and keeping everything in the scene like he’s a loser Prince that’s always being upstaged by his hero brother, and other times I can swear he’s reading lines from Pineapple Express.

Zooey Deschanel is actually hilarious as the typical “Princess who has been trapped in a tower all her life”. She gets rescued by Franco, but since she’s never been around other people, she doesn’t know how to use a fork, or any other bits of “normal” culture and is constantly making faux pas. It’s the best gag in the movie and sadly, it only lasts like 20 seconds.

Natalie Portman has already proved that she’s good at reading crappy dialogue. Maybe that’s why they cast her. She’s good, but still couldn’t save this film.

And the “humor”? Watch the trailer below. It’s the “R” rated one, so there’s more dirty stuff in it. Add “Fuck”, “Cock” and “Shit” to the end of every line of dialogue, and you’ve basically seen the movie. This trailer has the best bits from the film.

There, you saw the movie.

The only thing even remotely worth seeing in the film is the Sprites and Natalie Portman in a thong. The Sprites are an army of topless women living in the forest running a Thunderdome style arena. That’s pretty awesome, but still not worth the cost of admission.

I don’t know, maybe I’m not into the movie because I wasn’t high while watching it? Maybe if you got really, REALLY baked and watched it, you might laugh the whole way through. But then again, if you’re that baked, stay home and watch the TV Guide Channel. You’ll laugh at anything. And at least you’ll save yourself the cost of admission.

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