World Tour

4/3/02 - 4/15/02

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London, Baby!


"'I know some good games we could play,' Said the cat.

'I know some new tricks,' Said the Cat in the Hat.

'A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you.

Your mother will not mind at all if I do.'"

-Dr. Seuss (The Cat in the Hat)


I'm finally on a plane bound for Heathrow! Finally out of Turkey. Still reeking of Idil's perfume, and still a little drunk. Or at least hung over. But finally out of Turkey!

When I finally land 4 hours later I get on line for Passport Control. I'm trying not to freak (due to my previous problems with entering and or leaving Countries), but probably not doing too well. And of course, my Passport Agent is an Asian girl with a British accent. And, man was she mean.

Once into the airport I looked for Harry. Couldn't find him, so what did I do? Went straight outside for a smoke.

When I came back in I spotted Harry standing by the Arrivals gate waiting for me, so I went up behind him and asked if he was waiting for anyone good.

"Just this Spat guy." He replied.

So we headed off to the London Underground.

Here's Harry buying our tickets.

Me and Harry on the Train heading to Colchester.

Me and Harry in a Pub having a drink. I never knew that Pubs in England closed at 11 pm!!

That night I finally got to sleep. Once again, another 40 something hours awake.

The next morning I was finally able to shower off Idil's perfume. God, did that drive me nuts.

So, Saturday we headed into London.

So, here we are getting a bus to the train in downtown Colchester.

And Viola! 2 seconds later, in London! Funny how everything is red in London. They seem to really like that color.

Is it just me? Isn't "Soft Ice" water? Or at best, slush?

How scary is that?

Harry and I were finally able to find a real "Fish and Chips" place in London. Of course, this is after hours of walking looking for it.

I always thought that Fish and Chips were a common British meal, but apparently it's been replaced by Curry and Veggie Burgers.

Food is always a strange thing in different cultures. In Turkey, EVERYTHING is made from red meat. Even the fruit. But in England you can't get red meat if you begged.

Here's Harry calling in for some phone sex. He says that if he doesn't do it every 3 hours, his head will explode. Doctor's orders.

In London there was a demonstration going on. Anti-this or that, who knows. But they seemed really pissed off.


Some park or statue or something. Oooh, pretty.

When we were down by the Thames, there were those little crap tourist shops selling junk. I kept trying to buy this big foam top-hat with the British flag on it, but Harry kept trying to talk me out of it! He got sly and even said, "Don't get it here, I know a better place that will have it cheaper!" And like a sucker I believed him.

Soon, I finally bought one, along with 50 Quid of crap (as Harry calls it) for my friends and family.

Ooh!! A Circus!! At first, Harry was trying to convince me that Picadilly Circus was a real circus with clowns and elephants, and that I needed to give him the money so he could buy us tickets. But then he said he was joking, and that there was no Circus in London. Well, if that ain't a Ferris Wheel, I'll eat my hat!

The Hat in question. Harry was very embarrassed to be seen with me while I was wearing it.

We even ended up struggling over it because he wanted to throw it in the River.

Then he pulled the old, "Let me try on the Hat, I think I'm starting to like it" trick. Bye hat.

So I had to buy another Hat.

"Look kids, Big Ben...."


A few shots of the Thames.

"Real Stories of the London River Patrol."

Here's the underside of the "Ferris Wheel". It was actually built for the Millennium party. Do they know that the party is over?

"Look Right". And with the Hat on, I do!

Then it was back to Colchester.

AIIGGHHHH!!! Where's the steering wheel???

Oh, there it is!

AIIGGHHHH!! But the cars are on the wrong side of the road!! It's a mad house, a MAD HOUSE!!!!!

Then Emma and Geoff picked us up and took us to dinner at the Red Onion.

A shot for each person there. Geoff, Emma, Harry, and Me! Of course, it would have been easier if we had just....

Taken a group shot! Harry refused to be in the pic due to his aversion to the Hat.

But I snuck it in!

I must say, it was great to finally be in a place where I could hear English being spoken around me. Even the way the British mangle the language.

So then it was off to a Pub for a drink.

Here's me and Tim. For some reason everyone thinks this guy is my twin? Maybe I should send him to the Turkish Army...

"Look at the moron in the Hat!"

I don't know why she was showing me her belly, but I liked it.

Some general shots of the freaks at the Pub.

And here;s Harry wth Mark and Hayley, who (as Harry puts it) "went off for a shag and didn't make
it back to Geoff & Emma's".

A shot of the biggest freak of all.

A lot of people hated the Hat, and fought to get it off their heads. One guy threw it on the floor and stepped on it.

Harry trying to ignore me. Right before he punched me in the face.

Don't go into the light!

Harry getting a Pint, and Emma helping him digest.

The hottie bar Wench.

Harry doing the "Pull My Finger" bit that I taught him.

Then the local Pub girls saw the Hat!

They LOVED it, and wanted to try it on.

Woo Hoo!!

Then as a show of appreciation (I guess it's a British thing) they took off their clothes!! The guy with her was not happy.

Later, when I showed Harry the pics, he was heard to comment, "I've been coming to this Pub for years and have never seen a girl flash, you're here for two days and you get one starkers."

To which I replied, "It's the Hat!"

Then suddenly EVERYONE wanted to wear the Hat. I actually had to fight to get it back!

Oooh, artsy pics from Geoff.

Emma trying to learn to "High Five." She needs some practice.

And then, at 11 pm, the other hottie Bar Wench came out to let us know it was last call.

"Terribly sorry, folks, but while you do not HAVE to return to your domiciles, remaining here is no longer permitted. Thank you for your cooperation."

They're so polite.

Bobbies, act casual.....

The Hippodrome!!

Then it was back to Geoff and Emma's for some more drinks.

Here's Emma showing off her love for New York. Or her boobies, I'm not sure which.

"Yeah, boobies..."

"Why did you bring that awful American here? He's staring at the twins!"

Watching while Geoff uploads his pics and video footage. Oh yes, video is coming as well!

Just some shots of us hanging out. Right before we wrecked the place!

The next day we had a thing they call "Sunday Lunch". I didn't know what that would be, but I was willing to try.

We went to a place called the "Rose and Crown".

Turns out we basically had lunch. But on a Sunday. These Brits and the way they make up their own language....

And here's some of Geoff's video of us in the Parking Lot. (Don't know what they call a parking lot in England) (Less than 1 meg)

Sunday night we headed to "The Hogs Head Pub" (another great British name). They were having Trivia night so they named their team the "Spatcave Dwellers". How cute. We lost by a half a point!!

Sitting on the floor in a Pub? Eww.

I finally got a chance to break out the new Tattoos, but British sensibility only allowed me to put it on their arms. Prudes.

Emma sticking her finger in a hole in the wall. That girl and her holes... don't get me started!

The Hat makes another appearance!

Then at the ripe old hour of 4 am, we headed to Heathrow so Harry could get rid of me! I tried to change my ticket to a later flight, but $200!?!?! Screw that!

This thing scared the hell out of me. It's a Hedge Hog. I've only ever seen them in Pet Shops. I wanted to take it home as a gift for my snake, but they're fast little buggers!

A shot of the London Underground.

Once in the Airport, we realized we were in the wrong Terminal and had to get back on the Underground. By the time I got to Check In I had about an hour to my flight.

I was (of course) pulled for a "random" bag search, and they took me to this small area. One guy put my bags on the X-ray machine, while another looked over my Passport. I kept looking at the X-ray screen because I was really curious what it showed. The Passport guy told me to pay attention, and I apologized and told him I was looking at the X-ray screen.

"Well, you can't go back there and see it."

Then the other guy looked over at me, and said, "You want to see the screens? C'mon."

So over I went to look at the guts of my luggage.

He told me that when he hits this certain button the machine will show any Organic materials. They'll show orange on the screen. I got a little worried because I still had this double headed Rose that Idil's mom had made from the flowers Idil gave me. It was very sweet, although a little premature. So I'm figuring that the whole machine is about to go crazy with alarms and stuff.

He hits the button, and my ENTIRE bag glows orange! I was in shock. I asked him, "Did a family of Midgets sneak in my bag? Why is it all organic?"

"You tell me? Have anything organic in there?" He asked.

After a few very uncomfortable seconds he added, "Like clothes?"

Ah. Clothes are organic, so that was what we were seeing.

Then he moves on to the next bag.

It goes in and all I see are these wires running all through the bag everywhere! I know it's not my Walkman, that's in my carry on. So I asked what the wires were, and again he replies, "You tell me, got any wires like things that would show up in an X-ray?"

"Not that I can think of."

He gives me this "I know you're guilty" kind of look and then says, "Got Zippers?"

Duh. So those are the zippers from pants and jackets. My bad. He was just trying to scare me!

So after that I head back to meet Harry for a last coffee.

I thanked him again for his hospitality, then headed in with 15 minutes until my flight.

While on line for the metal detector I heard an announcement telling me that I had 2 minutes to get to my gate or my plane would leave without me!

D'Oh! So I cut the line, telling everyone that it was me they were paging and then proceed to run through the airport looking for my gate. All the while, the announcements are getting worst.

"You now have one minute."

"You now have thirty seconds."

And then I finally got to the gate.

I'm out of breath and ready to pass out when I finally get to the actual plane door. And who is waiting there for me? The Captain.

"You finally made it. We were going to leave without you."

I made up some excuse about being in the bathroom and then getting lost. He took my boarding pass, looked at it and said, "Don't worry, we'll get you to Boston without a problem."

BOSTON? I'm supposed to go to New York!

I stammer out a "Huh, but.. but.. I"

He hands me back my pass and says, "Just kidding."

Damned British humour. (See how I spelled it the British way? That's Irony. Just wanted to point it out for those that will miss it.)

Seven hours later I was home. Finally.

What an adventure.

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If you have any questions, E-Mail me.